Bar Jokes Humor and Satire
Will you come home with me 
Friday, June 4, 2010, 01:19 AM
Posted by Administrator
A man was walking through a rather seedy section of town, when a bum walked up to him and asked the man for two dollars.

The man asked, "Will you buy booze?"

The bum replied, "No."

Then the man asked, "Will you gamble it away?"

The bum said, "No."

Then the man asked the bum, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"

Submitted by Greg Hall
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1 comment ( 1724 views )
Be on the look out 
Friday, June 4, 2010, 01:11 AM
Posted by Administrator
Two women go out one weekend without their husbands. As they came back, just before dawn, both of them drunk, they felt the urge to relieve themselves. They noticed that the only place to stop was a cemetery. Scared and drunk, they stopped and decided to go there anyway.

The first one did not have anything to blot herself with, so she took her panties off, used them and discarded them. The second, not finding anything either, thought "I'm not getting rid of my panties..." so she used the ribbon of a nearby flower wreath.

The morning after, the two husbands were talking to each other on the phone, and one says to the other: "We have to be on the look-out; it seems that these two were up to no good last night, my wife came home without her panties..." The other one responded: "You're lucky, mine came home with a card stuck to her butt that read, "We will never forget you."

Submitted by Greg Hall
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Room Change 
Tuesday, May 5, 2009, 09:04 AM
Posted by Administrator
After a heavy night of drinking at the bar, a drunken man decides to sleep off his drunkenness at a local hotel. He approaches the reception desk, takes care of the formalities and heads off to his suite.

Several minutes later, the drunk staggers back to the reception desk and demands his room be changed.

"But sir," said the clerk, "you have the best room in the hotel."

"I insist on another room!!!" said the drunk.

"Very good, sir. I'll change you from 502 to 525. Would you mind telling me why you don't like 502?" asked the clerk.

"Well, for one thing," said the drunk, "it's on fire."
7 comments ( 4550 views )
Give Me A Coke 
Tuesday, May 5, 2009, 08:57 AM
Posted by Administrator
After a beer convention, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.

The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.

The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."
8 comments ( 1049 views )
What A Coincidence 
Tuesday, May 5, 2009, 08:51 AM
Posted by Administrator
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course," comes the reply.

The first man then asks, "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.

The first man responds, "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."

"Of course," replies the second man.

"I'm curious," the first man then asks, "Where in Ireland are you from?"

"Dublin," comes the reply.

"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."

"Of course," replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks, "What school did you go to?"

"Saint Mary's," replies the second man, "I graduated in '64."

"This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '64, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.

"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Keefe twins are drunk again."
5 comments ( 355 views )

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